Day 7 and watching for overwhelm

I need to watch out for overwhelm. I have been very busy recently, was away at a conference yesterday which involved a very long drive there and back and I have lots to do this week

When I get tired and feel overwhelmed I want to drink wine. In the past I have either lapsed due to this or it has started off a bout of pre lapse behaviour which lead on to a lapse.

So. I had a lie in today, rather than going to my chosen sport all morning. I can do my sport when I am further into my sobriety.

While in bed doing my sober homework and writing stuff down in my journal I had a big think and realized that I am quite a secretive person. I don't like talking about myself to others and it is always on my terms when I "open up" to people. They think they are getting to know the "real me" but actually, they are not.

A lot of that I think stems from the guilt and shame I (misguidedly) felt about what had been done to me as a child (sexual and emotional abuse). I also felt I couldn't talk to anyone about it once I was an adult.

All of this is so wrong, of course, I know that now, but the habit of secrecy remains. And of course as a drinker we sometimes do very odd, secretive  stuff to hide the extent of our drinking - well I know I did (hiding extra bottles in the wardrobe, sneaking empties into supermarket recycling bins, anyone?)

Still, despite the pondering it was a good day, I got lots of stuff done around the house and garden, went for a swim later and I did not drink :)

Sober treats?  Lovely new perfume, a sauna at the gym and a lovely swim :)

Being sober makes everything else possible. Being drunk makes everything impossible.