So how did I get to this point, where I want to give up alcohol?
I realized some years ago I had a slight problem with drinking, not the amount of wine I drank then, so much as the fact that once I started drinking wine, I didn't want to stop. Although I did stop, I wanted to keep on going.
Gradually the amount I drank increased. Always with my husband (then!) never on my own, but sometimes more than I really felt I wanted to, or was good for me, or later on, that I could afford. And I frequently initiated the drinking - I suggested the bottle of wine with dinner, I suggested the night cap before bed.
Then a couple of years ago I was hospitalized (not related to alcohol) nearly died and stopped drinking for 8 weeks while I recovered from the injury and post injury illness. I realized recently that this was the longest I had gone without drinking, apart from pregnancies, since I was 16.
Since then, in the last two years I have tried to moderate my drinking. I have cut down or stopped drinking quite a few times. I have had more dry days than drinking days in the last 700 days. but even so I realized I spent SO MUCH mental effort on thinking about not drinking and I am tired of the endless mental chatter.
After a period of mostly sobriety and moderation over the summer I lapsed big time in the last few days and felt really out of control. So I now have shame to add into that mental chatter toxic brew. Shame at my my lack of self control.
I'm so tired of all this. There has to be another way! I've had enough of the drink, drunk, regret, repeat cycle.
In the last year I have joined various online support groups (Club Soda MOB, Sober Sassy Life,Tired of thinking about drinking, Soberistas etc) and I have been reading lots of sober blogs and joining in with on line support threads, which has helped me to re frame my thinking about drinking and to stop drinking for lengthy periods of time, but I STILL went back to the wine, eventually!
So, I am on Day 1, again. I feel sweaty and ill and hungover and ashamed. I ache all over both physically and emotionally. This morning I took vitamins and had a shower and washed my hair. Symbolic of a new start - a clean body. I drank lots of water and plan to drink lots more and rest.
This time around I am trying something different in addition to these other online sober support ideas, adding an extra layer of sober tools provided by Belle from Tired of thinking about drinking. I joined her Sober JumpStart course and I have committed to 100 days sober
Belle suggests lots of self care and sober treats as well as providing audio lessons each day for the first week and then daily audio support in the form of podcasts. What with these, the daily emails from Club Soda and similar stuff from Jackie at Sober Sassy Life to read and act upon, I have a lot of sober homework to keep me occupied.
I realized some years ago I had a slight problem with drinking, not the amount of wine I drank then, so much as the fact that once I started drinking wine, I didn't want to stop. Although I did stop, I wanted to keep on going.
Gradually the amount I drank increased. Always with my husband (then!) never on my own, but sometimes more than I really felt I wanted to, or was good for me, or later on, that I could afford. And I frequently initiated the drinking - I suggested the bottle of wine with dinner, I suggested the night cap before bed.
Then a couple of years ago I was hospitalized (not related to alcohol) nearly died and stopped drinking for 8 weeks while I recovered from the injury and post injury illness. I realized recently that this was the longest I had gone without drinking, apart from pregnancies, since I was 16.
Since then, in the last two years I have tried to moderate my drinking. I have cut down or stopped drinking quite a few times. I have had more dry days than drinking days in the last 700 days. but even so I realized I spent SO MUCH mental effort on thinking about not drinking and I am tired of the endless mental chatter.
After a period of mostly sobriety and moderation over the summer I lapsed big time in the last few days and felt really out of control. So I now have shame to add into that mental chatter toxic brew. Shame at my my lack of self control.
I'm so tired of all this. There has to be another way! I've had enough of the drink, drunk, regret, repeat cycle.
In the last year I have joined various online support groups (Club Soda MOB, Sober Sassy Life,Tired of thinking about drinking, Soberistas etc) and I have been reading lots of sober blogs and joining in with on line support threads, which has helped me to re frame my thinking about drinking and to stop drinking for lengthy periods of time, but I STILL went back to the wine, eventually!
So, I am on Day 1, again. I feel sweaty and ill and hungover and ashamed. I ache all over both physically and emotionally. This morning I took vitamins and had a shower and washed my hair. Symbolic of a new start - a clean body. I drank lots of water and plan to drink lots more and rest.
This time around I am trying something different in addition to these other online sober support ideas, adding an extra layer of sober tools provided by Belle from Tired of thinking about drinking. I joined her Sober JumpStart course and I have committed to 100 days sober
Belle suggests lots of self care and sober treats as well as providing audio lessons each day for the first week and then daily audio support in the form of podcasts. What with these, the daily emails from Club Soda and similar stuff from Jackie at Sober Sassy Life to read and act upon, I have a lot of sober homework to keep me occupied.
Here is the 100 day challenge I have signed up to with Belle
Dear Belle“I will not drink for 100 days. No matter what. I can cry, but I will not drink. I can go to bed or go home early. I might feel distressed ... but I will not drink. Bad things might happen, but I will not drink. Incredibly shitty things may happen to someone around me, or my neighbour, or my friend’s friend’s grandmother. But there will be no booze. Funerals? Weddings? Amputation? I’m not drinking for 100 days no matter what happens … No matter what.”
love, Sober Sarah xxx
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