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14/10/2016

Signs of a lapse.

Looking back on what the warning signs for me are when I'm in the danger zone for a lapse as I need to be hyper vigilant and head one off.

I am sad to say I stop caring for myself so much when I am pre lapsing or actively drinking. I let the gaps between showers get a little longer, I wear slightly grubby clothes because I didn't bother to do a load of washing even though it needed doing,

I start to bite my nails again, I stop bothering so much with moisturizer or make up or any self grooming.  It is shit and no way to treat myself. I don't get to a smelly point but my self care definitely lapses.

Because I don't love myself very much and when I drink I really don't love myself. Which is strange, because the drinking is meant to make me feel better about myself (ha ha bloody ha)

But it never, ever did make me feel better. It always always made me feel worse.

Day 26 :)

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