Starting over Sept 2018

Well, I've spent some of the last year or so sober. But, I've also spent a great deal of it  drinking, at night, to blot out the horrors. Oh yes.

So, I had a very long hard look at what I wanted out of my life. I realised I was yet again self medicating the depression and PTSD and anxiety with alcohol and it had to stop.

I'm still having counselling for the CSA and the trauma of my first marriage, I've finally been able to tell my counselor the extent of my intermittent alcohol intake. Which is ridiculous, considering I have shared stuff about the abuse that I've told no one else, ever, and it's all been pretty horrific stuff. But somehow, I couldn't bring myself to tell the truth about how much wine I was drinking? Baffling!

So since Mon this week I have steadily cut my alcohol unit intake by half each day, and today is Day 1, again.

I've revisited all the sober tools I used to successfully stop drinking in the past; I realise with the utter overwhelming engagement of the counselling and the family stuff I've had going on in the last 12 months I had neglected to keep up with these other supports, even though I know they make me feel better.

But it just felt like there were not enough hours in the day to do ALL the counselling excavating and journaling and homework and crying and upset AND support the family through the serious stuff AND do the alcohol related sober work as well.

I was wrong. The alcohol sober related work HAS to come first, for the rest to work successfully. I know that now.

So. Day 1 done and dusted. Hurrah!