So, I lapsed, re started, lapsed, re started throughout the Summer. 10 days sober, then drank for a day, never much but still ...then 15 days sober,, then drank for weekend. Drink, drunk, repent, repeat. We know how that goes.
Stress has been sky high and that's my trigger to lapse, not enough self care going on. It's hard to up self care and treats when you feel you don't deserve them. Not an excuse though.
But in August, after a really bad period where my thoughts turned darker and darker, I finally sought help for what I now know is the effects of an extended period of abuse in my childhood, teens and early twenties, which has left me with complex PTSD.
I've had some councelling for the sexual aspects, and I'm on the waiting list for specialist PTSD help.
My mood is slowly improving, although my sleep is still very disturbed.
I'm back to blogging here although I have so much writing to do with my councelling it's hard to find time to do so. Maybe I'll put some of that work on here someday, but not, just yet as it's just too raw at the moment.
If you've been reading this, then thanks :)
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